It doesn't matter: A Twilight Song Fan Fic
Written by Jacqueline Duveau

Twilight, Vanessa Carlton:

Even before awakening from my slumber, it was inevitable the chilling feeling that crawled underneath the covers, climbing onto my legs and scurrying up my arms.
Unwilling to pry my eyes open just yet, I tucked my shoulders further underneath the covers. But it was still there, the chill.
I was stained with a role on a day not my own.
For some unexplainable reason, I wasn't eager to climb out of bed, to leave this cold house and get to school quickly. Why not? It didn't make sense. That had always been my sole desire since the very first day I came to Forks. To dive into daytime with school and chores and homework. Day time, when hallucination did not have the power to ambush me.
Or at least it was that way.. until I crossed paths with one particular Forks High School student.
And as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown.
Bit by bit, the memories plunged their way like a current back into my mind.
His name: Edward Cullen.
His face..
His face was the one that had haunted my sleep on the night I came home from my trip to the beach with my other classmates.
The current plunged me in his direction.
And I always knew what was right, I just didn't know that I might
Disoriented but now completely capable of remembering the events of the day before, I pushed the covers from off my body and immediately felt the loss of warmth. My skin looked all prickly with shivers running down my legs. I stumbled towards the bathroom.
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight.
When I opened the front door a crisp breath of wind pierced my nose and cheeks. It was perfectly cloudy and unusually misty. He would be there, waiting for me.
And I almost surprised myself with the descriptions I had just invented for the weather that day. "Perfectly" cloudy? Since when did I consider overcast days to be nice, let alone perfect? But they were, I had to admit, perfect days for him.
And I will never see the sky the same way
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday

As my truck neared the school parking lot the bundle of unrecognizable agitation in my stomach overlapped.
He would be there! And this time the thought brought negativity with it, not excitement but nervousness.
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach too high
What would I say to him, after all?, I kept asking myself as I stepped out of the truck and started making my way to the building.
'Cause I have seen, I have seen twilight.
All the time I walked down the halls to my earliest classes there was this ridiculously pesky fear that I would suddenly be ambushed by Edward Cullen. That he would spring out at me from some corner. Fear, nervousness or anticipation, which one is it? I demanded internally.
Never cared, never wanted, never sought to see what flaunted
Yesterday something that I had dreaded would happen came to be: He had given me a reason for liking him. For liking him more.
Port Angeles.
So on purpose, so in my face, couldn't see past my own place
"I feel safe with you." I confessed.
And it was so easy not to behold what I could hold
"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?"
"That wasn't the first time.. Your number was up the first time I met you, do you remember?" He asked, his angel face grave.
That had frightened me.
But you taught me I could change whatever came within these shallow days.
It was truly remarkable how he had the ability to petrify me and then something would happen that I would long for his presence and the security that it brought.
And I will never see the sky the same way
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday
I noticed that Edward half expected me to reject his offer to give me a ride home because he always gave me a chance to leave freely.
But on one account I already felt that I had dived in too deep to back down now, concerning Edward Cullen.
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach too high
Whether it was he who had pulled me under water with his magnificence or me who had voluntarily followed him, it was too late despite what he considered "dangerous" for me.
'Cause I have seen, I have seen twilight.
Classes dragged by, hours tormented and aliviated me with the idea that at least I would have time to plan what I would say to Edward. But I dreaded lunch period!
What if he walked over to the table where I usually sat with my other classmates and asked me to sit with him? Then I'd be forced to speak even before I was ready to. He wasn't absent, that I was sure of. Oh, so many things I was sure and unsure of at the same time.. I never felt this confused before!
As the sun pushes through, it pushes away, pushes ahead
Edward.
He stood at the door of my trigometry class.
It had to be now.
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead.
Gathering up my pencil case, notebook and keys I slid them all in my small, leatherbound backpack. Everyone filed out before me as I made slow steps towards the door. He leant with his artistically sculptured back against the entrance.
"Actually," I said when I finally faced him. I fiddled with the button on my backpack. "I'd rather speak with you somewhere else."
Edward turned his cheek in my direction. He tilted his head to the side, the caramel liquid in his eyes spilling over.
"Afraid of someone's prying ears?" He inquired, without a teasing or any type of smile. His apple-red lips remained pursed firmly atop one another.
"Yes." I admitted frankly.
Edward pulled his form away from the doorway. "As you wish, then." He started sliding elegantly towards the back door at the end of the hallway.
I didn't know that I could be so blind to what is so real
I followed him, entranced by his graceful gait.
As we stepped outside the chilly, rain concentrated breeze whipped my hair. Edward stood by his silver Volvo.
I realized at that moment that I didn't know where I wished to go, although I had picked up my keys upon exiting the classroom. Some place where no one could hear my words so it couldn't be on the bench in the school yard but it had to be close enough so that I would return in time for my next class.
He saw me, standing there perplexed and stretched out his hand to me. I blushed. There were definitely moments when Edward looked and acted like those 19th century gentlemen who'd help ladies step down from carriages.
However, I accepted it. How could I not?
"What you need to tell me," He said, moderately. "Can it be said anywhere?"
"Anywhere close enough for me to get back to class on time." I echoed my thoughts aloud, remembering how mysterious I must seem to him. "Of course." He replied and escorted me around to the door on the right side.
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed.
The engine started. The wheels pulled away from the parking lot. I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath that was a mixture of the smell of leather and I accidently inhaled bits of Edward's ravishing scent. This only made my stomach flinch. I prayed that he wouldn't ask me anything because my nerves were in such a frenzy that I feared I would lose my voice completely!
He was exactly like this: the type of sensation that was so good that at times I would wish I had never experiemented his scent, or looked upon his angelic face. Then it would make me think: "But how dull, how meaningless my life would be like if I hadn't ever known Edward Cullen?"
They were sentiments that battled against each other.
Who would win, I wondered, the fear of temptation or the feeling of sheer bliss?
He spoke.
And I will never see the sky the same way
"You're worrying me," the words were worse than I imagined he would utter.
"All the color in your cheeks is expanding throughout your entire face." He continued. "It won't be long before you'll be a ripe red apple.. or explode."
I scoffed quietly, turning my face towards the frozen glass of the window.
I hoped that I was giving him the exact notice that I didn't feel like answering.
To my relief, I only heard a long sigh come from his side of the car. He drew it in so swiftly, not heavy with impatience like I would have done if it were he who was being so coy.
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday
And I will never cease to fly if held down
Suddenly we weren't in motion anymore. I had been so caught up in my inner musings and worries that I hadn't even noticed he'd parked. And where were we?
"It's outrageous." I declared as I scanned the area outside the window. It looked like any other around the town, moss covered trees aligning the space around us, humid grass spread into a carpet. "How you can absorb me completely from reality."
And I will always reach too high
I pushed the door open and stepped out before he could respond.
Cause I have seen, I have seen twilight
When Edward stepped out of the car, he banged the door a little too loudly (and strongly) than I'd expected. And that got me running- well, to put it more honestly, dodging him as he walked towards me.
"You know," He began and I immediately sprang out of his way as though he had just pointed a flaming fireplace poker at me. "I can only hold these human emotions inside for so long."
"I will tell you, I promise." My tone was so ridiculously fearful that I sounded as if I was pleading for my life.
But his penetrating eyes were demanding "Tell me now before I get mad!"
Finally, while I was in the middle of making a dash for a tree Edward's patience broke.
"Bella, let's stop this." He said in a moderate voice. Grabbing my hand, Edward pulled me towards him.
I was stained with a role on a day not my own
I neared him, forced by his stone cold and smooth but firm hand. But I was surprised to discover that he actually looked tired with his shoulders just a tiny bit lowered. Never hunching, of course but way more relaxed than I had ever seen them.
"Okay." I said, encountering his fixed stare. I couldn't go through with the "tag-you're-it" game I had planned on playing just to buy time and make everything simplier. So childish!, I thought now.
"You're right," I swallowed the aching lump that was piercing my throat. "I just didn't think I could face this by being serious so I thought perhaps if I played around-"
I stopped. It was too ridiculous.
He remained immobile like the stone sculpture that he was. His expression frozen in a tight mask of seriousness. All I wanted was to break it because his coldness wasn't making it easier for me.
And as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
"It doesn't matter." That was what I had said to him on the day he came to my rescue for the second time. "It doesn't matter what you are." So it doesn't matter how pathetic my declaration might sound.
Edward dropped my hand but I took a step forward, nearing him.
"You're giving me a choice whether to walk away or keep getting closer to you-" I began but he interrupted.
"I told you that it's more prudent for you not to get close to me." He emphasized.
"But you're always giving me the chance to leave and expecting me to." I made my voice climb a few volumes higher than his in the meek attempt of showing him that his interruption wasn't going to make me back down. "And when I told you it was too late you got upset. But it's the truth regardless of whether you choose to accept it or not."
The hardness of his features seemed to become even blanker, as though he was thinking of disappearing, vanishing into thin air.
And I always knew what was right, I just didn't know that I might
I didn't want him to vanish suddenly, one of the sole fears I had when I was with him! I wanted to hold onto his hand, wherever he went, he'd have no choice but to take me with him! And yet.. That was the problem with me.. Besides the obvious fact that I was an idiot for getting involved in the first place!
He gave me a choice every single day. But I wasn't giving him one. I was just forcing myself upon him out of fear of losing sight of him forever.
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight
"So I'm giving you a choice now." I murmured, feeling completely defeated because the reason why I failed to ask him this question was that I was positive he would say it's better that he leave. "Do you want to be near me?"
Edward sucked in his breath in a swift motion and closed his eyes.
My heart felt like it was about to burst from the speed it beat. I knew Edward could hear it so I decided to turn around and try to hide my embarrassment before hearing his answer.
And I really was about to take a few steps forward, with my back turned to him had he not suddenly pulled me backward. It was the force of an ocean wave, a current, a tide pulling a frail human away from the shore to its depths.
"This is what you wanted to ask me so badly?" He interrogated when his hand had drawn my arm and the rest of my body only inches from his own form.
His eyes were a darker shade of caramel, they hovered over me, studying my face. A cloud of nervousness settled over me. Whenever his eye color grew darker, his mood changed. Had I disturbed him to this point?
And I will never see the sky the same way
"I can't bear the idea of suddenly realizing you've left me." I replied, frankly. "How do you expect me to simply forget that one day I'd crossed paths with someone named Edward Cullen? Do you honestly think that such an abnormal memory can easily abandon someone?"
And I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday
The muscles in his jaw and cheekbones tightened. "And I can't bear the idea of putting your life at risk."
"It's already at risk." I immediately stated. This was something he realized too. Again, he was trying to yield from me.
"It can get worse."
"I love you."
And I will never cease to fly if held down
And I will always reach too high
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You don't know me straight out."
Now I can't grasp the motive why I hadn't collapsed from the intensity of his stare at that moment. The color had sunk into a very deep onyx. His eyes scanned my face, moving right to left. So strongly, desparately. Perhaps I was too determined, too rooted into the earth I stood over to even think about fainting. The desire to be near him made me stronger.
But I didn't know how to respond now and so I chose only to defy his stare.
Exactly two seconds passed (I was counting) till the iciness of his cheek collided with the warmth of my own face. I shivered as his icy fingers embraced my nape underneath my hair. Out of surprise, my body had little time to react. Timidly, my hands reached around his waist. Edward pulled my shoulders closer, causing my head to hit his chest. My hands climbed up his stoney stomach, hesitating on his chest just below his neckline and finally rested on his shoulders.
He said nothing. Only his long breaths could be heard.
He heard me shudder, no doubt, but this time Edward paid attention to the sound and with his hand still holding the back of my head, he tilted it.
I glanced up. The onyx began to sink into an old golden hue.
Without uttering a word, Edward sank his lips into mine. They melted into a sensation that was almost like biting into a fruit, apple or plum, tasting the juiciness as it burst into your mouth.
Almost, right?
The sensation wasn't quite so natural.
'Cause I have seen, I have seen twilight

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